Small Things With Great Love

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Dec 30 2012

Ok to “chill” over winter break???

There must be something wrong with me.

I’m not taking advantage of winter break to lesson plan for the rest of the year.

Though its in the back of my mind, I haven’t been plotting a revolution for the 2013 year. Revolution in the sense that I have to uproot everything that I’ve done this past year and rebuild on a stronger foundation. Yes, there are things I need to work on or organize. But, while I feel like many TFA-ers are ambitiously plotting a new movement in their classroom this winter, I’m just “chilling” in the figurative sense.

Is that bad?

I mean it’s called winter BREAK for a reason right? or…no?

Apathetic Anxiety.

That’s how I would describe my state right now. Just a feeling of anxiousness about my lack of motivation to plow ahead. Perhaps my cold-shouldering is my denial of going back. Maybe I’m just putting it off because I’m dreading this second half of teaching.

But I don’t see what I should be anxious for. I mean I’ve been doing relatively well. I don’t have much trouble with behavior management. I feel like I’m starting to get in the rhythm of things. I guess I’m just worried whether or not that rhythm will continue.

And while other first years are rededicating themselves to teaching and strategies, I think I’m going to rededicate myself to me. This past year, I’ve truly given up a lot of who I am. I do think that amount of dedication contributed a lot to my management. However, it did not to my social/emotional/mental life. And while I could handle it the first few months. I saw myself chipping away as December approached.

I need more me time. I need to rediscover who I am. What I like. And other things I want to pursue. I need to build my community. Preferably a community not made of teachers. That’s probably the most difficult thing for me down in Homestead (the middle of nowhere). I’ve befriended teachers out of convenience and though they are great and I love them, I need to be surrounded by people who will satisfy another dimension of my personality and interests. I need to find balance.

With that said, I believe the most successful people are ones who feel they most secure and joyful in who they are as people. To be joyful and fulfilled, they satisfy their passions, satiate their curiosities. And if you know me, I’m a deeply curious person.

What do you think? Is it okay to just “chill” over break?  I would love to hear your thoughts as we head into the 2nd week of break!


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first thoughts from a first year

High School

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